


Your voice, like a spell.

by imcsalterego



Category: GOT7
Genre: 2Jae, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-03-28 07:06:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13898874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imcsalterego/pseuds/imcsalterego
Summary: Where Jaebum moves away from home for the first time to live alone and meets a somewhat extravagant neighbor.Where Youngjae is tired of his useless life and wants to go away as soon as possible until he meets a somewhat interesting new neighbor.





	1. #01

* * *

Jaebum had no idea what living alone meant.  
Actually, he had never thought about it before. I mean, when you are young and you have all of your life ahead, you think everything's gonna be sunshine and rainbows. Your mum cooks you a real hell of a lunch, she washes your clothes and irons them – you find them already folded in your wardrobe and they all smell so nice, they smell like home. She wakes you up when you're late for school and so on. Or at least, that's how he grew up all his life and now that he finally found himself in front of that giant condominium, now that he had to officially enter his new apartment, now he suddenly realized that he hadn't the faintest idea of what to do. He had no idea what living alone meant. He had imagined something like "party all day" and people running around the house at every moment. Girls, junk food, music so loud you can't even hear your own voice, day and night. But when he actually was in front of his new condominium he understood that no, this was not what was going to happen. Living alone was also a great responsibility, not just fun and friends.  
  
The sun hit hard, that day, and it didn't even seem to be December. He had never seen a winter like that one before so he decided that he wanted to avoid sweating too much before even grabbing his luggages. That's why he made a move and finally approached the door, heart beating like crazy, ready to begin this new journey.  
_"Ahh, Jaebumie. Are you really sure? You know you can always come back home, mum will wait for you"._  
His mother obviously didn't want to leave him alone, she seemed in verge of tears, she still thought of him as her little kid. Or maybe, she wanted him to still be that little kid because time had passed by too fast and not having him by her side every day would have been hard to get used to. He was her only child after all, and in the blink of an eye he had become an adult, he was 23 and he was a university student ready to start surviving on his own. But no matter how much he could grow over the years, he would always remain the baby of their house.  
_"Mum, please"._  
He answered, letting out an amused sigh before blowing her a goodbye kiss, hoping that nobody had seen him (who was he even trying to fool? everyone knew that he was a sweetheart underneath). He waved goodbye before closing the huge main entrance door behind his shoulders, as if he was leaving behind his old life. But then again, it wasn't like everything would have been different from that moment on: the university remained the same, so were his friends and the places he went often to, he didn't even know why he was so anxious about the whole situation. Maybe he was excited because he was finally alone or maybe he was scared of blowing up the whole place while cooking or whatever. He wasn't that great with houseworks, he had always relied on others and now.. now he took a deep deep breath and pressed the elevator's button and he waited. And waited and waited: it was on the seventh floor, right where he would have started to live from then on. Taking the stairs was not an option: although he was really well built, he wasn't an athletic person. The only sport he had ever practiced was football on his younger days but the memories linked to it weren't very pleasant. As a kid, he was kind of a loser and older guys weren't really nice and kind to him. He was the kind of guy who'd rather watch a movie or read a book instead of going out to run and do some sports. The only reasons he left the house were university lessons and nights out with friends. Although now he would have started going out for commissions too.  
By the way, he finally reached his own apartment and after looking around for a while, he threw himself on the couch, deciding that he would tidy up another time. A luggage was already on the bed, opened, while the other was still at the entrance. The various bags he had to bring along were placed everywhere on the kitchen's table and he was satisfied with that, without actually doing anything he felt already tired so he switched on the tv to relax a little. That's when he heard a voice coming from outside, probably from the apartment on the other side of the hall. A voice so loud that he had to turn down the volume of the series he was watching until it reached zero to understand what the hell was happening. It was the voice of a grown ass man, he seemed furious and was yelling at someone, not even bothering about his neighbors. He seriously hoped he hadn't just found a place near _those kind_ of neighbors, he had no intention to listen to that man shout bullshit everyday, he hoped it was a one-time thing.  
_"I never asked for a son like you"._  
Ouch. That hurt. No parent should ever say something like that to his son, even if it's the worst son of them all. Perhaps.. he had lived with such caring parents that he didn't know how the rest of the world worked? He had always lived in a fairytale, he was spoiled and thought that everyone lived the same way but it didn't work like that. There were families who didn't care about each other, families who reunited only during festivities after years and years of not seeing each other. Families whose members would rather stay alone. He got up from the couch and tried to eavedrop, getting his ears the closest he could to the door. If he was going to live there for the next couple of years, he had to know what kind of people would have accompanied his journey.  
_"and clean this shithole"._  
The slamming of the door on the other side almost made him jump on his place and he drew back a few steps, the expression on his face still confused. Ok, maybe it was better if he returned to his own business. He didn't even know them and maybe he never would. Lots of time he had heard about someone living in a complex of aparment who didn't meet their neighbors once for years. So he took his phone and started reading the messages he had received. A couple of friends were asking how the house was so he decided to take a few pictures of the place. Kitchen, living room, bedroom, everything. He even went to the balcony to take a picture of the landscape: the view showed a little square with a fountain in the middle, nothing really special. And while he was overlooking the railing to snap another one, he almost didn't notice a figure standing on the porch next to his. Almost – because eventually his attention was caught by it and he lingered to look at it.  
  
On the balcony next to his, there was a guy. Arms open wide as if he was embracing the air (or recreating the most famous scene of the Titanic without any Rose in front of him nor any Jack behind). Plump and rosy lips, a bottle of beer on his right hand. Black hair, messy, a ruffled fringe covering his forehead. Black hair that were flying everywhere because of the sudden wind. He kept his eyes closed and Jaebum couldn't help but notice his features: pale skin, even if the cheeks were slightly reddened, he looked like a child and although the nose was definitely a potato, it didn't ruin the harmony of his beautiful face. But in reality, he didn't stop to stare at him because of some kind of "angelic vision" nor anything like that. He wasn't enchanted by the boy of the neighboring apartment, bewitched by his "immense beauty" because he wasn't just the type to find another man attractive, not at all. What really had caught his attention was the boy's position. Dangerously leaning forward, he had the expression of someone who would jump down at any moment, an indecipherable smile on his lips. Standing still like a beautiful statue and although Jaebum didn't really care because he didn't even know who the guy was, he didn't want any mess around him now that he lived there alone.  
_"Hey"._  
He called for him, staring insistently for a few seconds, trying to understand his intentions and maybe prevent them. I mean, he's not a psychologist but getting yelled at by your father isn't really a reason to take such drastic measures and jump down. The dark haired guy, in response, threw his eyes open and took a step – almost a hop – back, turning his face towards the voice who had called him. Taken by surprise and with a dazed gaze, he dropped the beer that he was holding tight and crossed Jaebum's cloudy eyes that were studying him curiously. The bottle fell and fell and fell down until it crashed on the street under them. Luckily there was nobody nearby.  
_"What the fuck is your problem"._  
He just yelled, a hand brought on his chest right where his heart should be and Jaebum couldn't help but notice his big brown eyes and that little black spot right under the left one. Mesmerizing. Apparently he had made him take a good fright and it would be a lie to say that he hadn't found it funny. It was funny indeed and he would gladly llet out a giggle but he couldn't because he didn't know that guy and he didn't want to start on the wrong foot (as if he hadn't already started badly, scaring him to death).  
_"fucking hell, I could have died"._  
He added, still half-shocked (and annoyed) as he shifted his gaze from Jaebum's dark eyes to the road below them. It seemed so far away but that road would have welcomed him willingly if he had fallen downstairs, just like it did with that precious beer. Jaebum wanted to tell him that he actually thought he wanted to commit suicide but judging by his reaction, he realized that it was an idiotic thought. He couldn't simply say "I thought you wanted to kill yourself, my bad". So what did he say? Something extremely clever.  
_"I'm your new neighbor"._

 

Never. Never something that was let out by his lips had sounded more stupid.  
"I'm your new neighbor"? Seriously? As if the situation wasn't already embarassing enough of its own. If he had been alone, he would have slapped his forehead because he couldn't just bother a random guy who he didn't even know, with the risk of killing him just to murmur a fucking "I'm your new neighbor". Truly awkward and ridicolous. And to see the dark haired boy on the other side laughing, not in a sympathetic way at all, but rather to make fun of him, made him feel even worse. He would have gladly disappeared at the moment.  
Luckily, it's the beauty mark guy who decided to return home first, shutting the door behind him but not before whispering a _"what a guy"_ and having glanced at him one last time with that _"poor guy, I pity him"_ kind of look.  
When he finally found himself alone again in the balcony, he slapped his forehead for real because it wasn't possible that he had already made such a fool of himself. But well, he was awkward with everyone, even with his closest friends so.. It was part of him. He sighed noisily before rolling himself a cigarette while leaning on the railing. It was after a couple of minutes that he saw someone exit the building. Someone who started picking up the glasses of the beer bottle that had just fallen. Yep, it was his dark haired neighbor. He chuckled, observing him from afar.  
_"What a guy"._

He murmured to himself, an amused smile creeping on his lips. 

* * *

 


	2. #02

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's short and all, but I had to divide it based on the events that are happening so I hope it's ok for you guys ;;

* * *

Days passed by quickly since he had started living alone, days of studying for the upcoming exams and therefore he had little time for everything else. For friends, videogames, music and even for the boy next door who he had only glimpsed a couple of times after the balcony meeting. The shoutings, however, were still very frequent and they had started to become quite annoying. But being a guy who fell asleep quickly and wouldn't wake up with any type of noise, it wasn't a big deal for him. He had discovered a few things about the family living there: it was just the two of them, he had never seen a woman nor heard her voice on the other side of the wall, the father was away most of the day and most of the week so he probably had a job that kept him busy and one of them (he figured it was the dark haired guy) played the piano. And damn if he was good with it. Whenever Jaebum would keep the windows open, beautiful melodies would enter with the wind, enchanting him like a spell. But he still was curious about the reason why they kept on quarreling and no matter what, he wouldn't find anything clever to say whenever he crossed eyes with the other one on the balcony, so he just kept smoking silently. To be honest, Jaebum lived on the balcony like.. 75% of his life just to be able to catch a glimpse of the neighbor.  
Days passed by so fast that in less than no time, the last of the year approached. His plans foresaw a quiet evening with friends in his by now not-so-new apartment. Alcohol, junk food and ball music. Those were the plans but at the last second everything was cancelled and his friends forced him to partecipate in another type of party: a huge festoon in a rather famous park. Something that would seriously look like a rave, where there would be buffets placed randomly here and there, rivers of alcohol and smoke and above all, live music. Jaebum loved live music, really, he himself was a great singer and it had happened more than once that he showed off his talent to his friends. He didn't care if the local bands weren't his genre, it was great to come to know new artists now and then. The problem was.. one of his friends was in the organization of the event and he had signed him up to sing in front of everyone. And Jaebum had never sung in front of everyone. A couple of times in front of his family and friends but not everyone. He was so not ready for this, he didn't feel capable at all and while he was waiting for his friends to pick him up, he had already started sweating cold because of the anxiety that slowly had assaulted him. Perhpas no one would have listened to him, that's what he hoped for. Maybe they were already drunk and high and what else, so they wouldn't listen – even this thought didn't help him calm down a bit. He held his guitar tight as he arrived in front of his friends' car and as soon as they saw him, they started shouting and whistling and clapping their hands, as if an idol had just arrived. 

 

 _"You think it's a lie when I'm telling the truth_  
whenever I go, I'll be looking for you".  
People acclaimed him when he finished singing One Republic's last hit and on stage – which didn't really look stable – rushed his friends who started jumping and throwing themselves from one side to the other, shouting into the microphone and making the crowd go wild. He had to admit that it had went pretty amazingly and the adrenaline in his body was on a never-seen-before level, therefore he could only imitate his friends until they all jumped down the stage and disappeared in the anonymous mass of people who forgot them as soon as the next band arrived: a pretty famous one in the city. The singer had a nice husky voice, he could both rap and sing and he could easily undersand why girls went crazy for him but Jaebum didn't really like their music so he focused on other things. He found himself outside of the dancing crowd, a little more deep in the woods with his group of friends. He was still playing the guitar and singing, sitting on the fresh grass. The others sang too, in chorus and they laughed and meanwhile they drank beers and vodka and everything else they had found in the buffet. Still sober and all, another group of guys sat next to them and it looked like Jinyoung, one of his closest friends, knew them but Jaebum was too busy playing to notice the presence of strangers. But when his voice was overwhelmed by a more hoarse and guttural one, with a scratching veil to it, he finally looked up to see who were the newcomers and find out who was singing. He realized it was the same singer of the band they had seen some time before. If he remembered correctly, his name was Jackson or something like that. He didn't stop playing, the sound of the chords accompanied their voices for another while until he looked away just to turn his gaze towards the guy sitting next to Jackson. There, he met a pair of big brown eyes and that little cute spot which characterized them. Eyes that were staring at him and that made him miss the rythm for a couple of seconds, unleashing confusion on the others' faces.  
_"Uh – sorry"._  
He said, nervously passing a hand through his reddish and slightly unkempt hair and the others said it didn't matter. In fact, a guy asked him if he could try the guitar and after a few moments of hesitation – because it's his guitar and nobody should have touched it – he accepted, just to not look like an asshole. So the guitar ran from hand to hand, some people already knew how to play it, some others wanted to try and learn, and in the meantime Jaebum tried not to be too obvious about staring at the dark haired guy sitting a little further because it was his neighbor and he hadn't yet figured out what kind of person it was but he really wanted to get to know him.  
_"Hey, dude. Sing with us"._  
Jackson said, elbowing that said neighbor who just shook his head, refusing politely.

 

After a few more songs, finally Jaebum was able to put his guitar in its case and while he did that, he heard people starting to introduce themselves since nobody knew the other group except for Jinyoung. Among these there were, in fact, Jackson and a certain Mark and a guy whose nickname was "Bambam" and whoever else. But since bad luck was stuck to him, he didn't catch his neighbor's name. Seriously. He was such a loser. He couldn't even ask to repeat it again because .. he just couldn't. He wouldn't dare, he didn't know why he felt so shy around him. I mean, that guy was a normal guy, just like everyone else there. Actually he looked crazy different from their first encounter. Not physically, just.. he smiled a lot. Like, really a lot. And his smile was probably the most beautiful smile Jaebum had ever seen. Looked nothing like the grumpy annoyed guy from the balcony. He didn't talk much, he just smiled and smiled and smiled, until those plump lips got stuck into Jaebum's head and he could not advert his gaze from them.  
After a while, everyone was talking to everyone and they had started drinking and doing stupid games and he decided that this was his opportunity to speak to the other. Why was he even so obsessed by him? Like, they were only neighbors, why would he want to speak to him that much? Between a sip and the other, he tried to gather the courage but everytime he had mentally formulated something, he discarded it 'cause he still felt like an idiot and he still didn't know how to approach him.  
_"Come on, let's go dance!"_  
A girl whose name he already didn't remember, said and most of the people joined her, jumping up and running to the crowded dancefloor. Only a few of them remained there and Jaebum, once again, decided that this was the best moment of all to start a conversation with the guy.  
_"you guys ar--"_  
He couldn't even finish his first sentence that a hand grabbed his black shirt. It was Yugyeom, another one of his friends, who wanted to drag him towards the others right when he had finally opened his mouth to say something intelligent.  
_"Please watch his guitar"._  
Had added his friend, trusting Jaebum's most precious thing to some guys he didn't even know. The beauty mark guy kept on looking at him until their eyes couldn't meet anymore through the people and Jaebum couldn't help but leave him behind, in a bitter way.

 

Time passed by, the alcohol begun to flow in his veins and it seemed that the adrenaline due to the exhibition hadn't vanished yet. In fact, he was more sociable than usual and he was also able to go talk to a couple of girls all by himself. Not that he wasn't good with them, he was pretty good-looking so he had some experience. But normally, he was the type of guy who'd rather stay on his own instead of going out with girls. He had never really liked anyone, it was more of a "satisfy my needs" thing. The girls never stepped back since they found him handsome and this time too, they didn't pull back even when he asked the prosperous blonde one to dance while her friend was – literally – stuck on Yugyeom. Usually he would feel out of place in that kind of party but he didn't understand much at that moment and his head was turning so fast but it was pleasant and he felt the body of the girl rubbing against his own while holding his hands firmly on her hips. Everything was going so smoothly and he was almost going to go further with her because heck, he may have not been the type of guy who did certain things but he's not himself right now and couldn't refuse such a gorgeus girl, when suddenly he felt his stomach in turmoil and the air became unbrathable. Too many people, too much heat. The girl was as drunk as him so she didn't even notice when he begun to walk away quickly, bumping into anyone who stood in front of him. Wobbly and unstable, Jaebum couldn't do otherwise because he needed some air – like, actual air, not smoke or body smells. So he went as far as he could from the mass of people and reached the place where they were sitting together before. There still were some people outside of the crowd, friends, couples – but at least it was quieter and he could lean on a tree to support himself, silently. Half bent with an heavy breath, it was inevitable that he threw up after all the shit he had drank so he rejected most of the stuff he had swallowed up throughtout the evening and stood still for a while, trying to readjust himself a little. As he straightened up, a voice behind him almost frightened him to death.  
_"You alright?"_

* * *

 


	3. #03

* * *

_"You alright?"_  
Was the first thing the voice said, before letting out a small laugh but Jaebum still couldn't manage to catch the situation. He didn't understand if the voice was directed towards him, its sound came slighlty slow and he needed a few more seconds to fully understand the situation.  
_"an eye for an eye"._  
He then added and finally the reddish haired guy understood what he meant. He understood because when he turned around, he met a pair of brown orbs who were staring into his soul – the same pair of brown orbs he had seen too many times from afar, with that cute little spot under one of them. If a month before Jaebum was the one who had almost scared him to death, now the favor was returned. Jaebum, however, couldn't focus too much and didn't even answer his question that was already placed in oblivion. What he didn't expect though, was to see those lips open up in a laughter because he always looked so gloomy when looking at him, so serious. Lucky as always, when he finally could speak to him he was drunk as fuck. What the hell, seriously. He wasn't into his right mind, what kind of impression was he giving to him? He passed the sleeve of the shirt on his lips to clean himself and took a big breath, he was feeling a little better now.  
_"God, that's disgusting.  
Come with me for a sec"._

How could he refuse? Apart from the fact that he didn't have any strenght left, he didn't want to miss this opportunity, no excuses accepted, no interruptions needed. But.. what would they talk about? The music was too loud and if the head was throbbing already, now it was literally going to burst. He was happy to get away from that big mess for a moment, from that flock of sheeps to which, in the end, he didn't even belong.  
_"It's not even midnight and you're already gone. Lame"._  
The more they moved away from the crowd, the clearer the dark-haired boy's voice sounded. Clear for the ears but still quite confusing for the mind that had to elaborate slowly word by word before actually understanding their meaning. Yeah, it was kind of lame. How did he even get drunk? Already didn't remember it. He had never been that good with alcohol but this was a record (of which he shouldn't be proud of).  
In silence, they reached the parking lot and Jaebum noticed car keys in the hands of the other guy, impossible for him to establish the brand.  
_"You're driving?"_  
"Why do you think I'm sober, genius".  
And because of his unstable and slow pace, they arrived at the car after too many minutes – although the parking lot was only a few blocks away from the park. His neighbor didn't really get close to him, maybe because he had thrown up and Jaebum himself hated vomit. Like, it was the thing he hated the most and now he felt like shit but what could he do? He couldn't even elaborate a two-word sentence, how could he ask him anything else? A clear-minded Jaebum would have wanted to go home, in a situation like that one. But he was drunk. That kind of drunk where you don't care about anything and you just want to live the moment and have fun. But unlucky him, his lips were too kneaded to pick up any type of converstation with anyone.

 

When they got to the car, they weren't alone. There were other three guys: Bambam who was sprawled on the bonnet as if he was on a couch, a joint between his flashy lips, and Jackson and Mark who were resting their backs on the car door, a couple of beers in their hands.  
_"Youngjae, want some?"_  
Asked the latter with a strange accent he didn't recognize. What? What was his name again?  
_"Just give me a hand with this one"._  
Was the answer, as he opened the car doors to let an unstable Jaebum in. Glad to find his friends there, waiting for him, he helped his neighbour sit on the back seats and allowed him to stay comfortable and rest his head for a while (at least he could recover a little and not waste the whole last of the year's night). No misunderstanding here: Youngjae helped him out of solidarity because he had obviously recognized him too and didn't want to see him in that state, especially if they had to live close for a long time. There was nothing wrong with getting to know each other a little, right? He had to admit he had been a douche for a while with him. Not greeting him on the stairs nor balcony, when they crossed roads. Not talking to him, not even smiling at all. But he had his reasons for that. He knew – or at least, he hoped – Jaebum was a nice guy. Just.. he wasn't really comfortable around someone who had listened to his fights and what else with his father. Not many people knew about it. And he had to admit, it was Jaebum's voice that got him interested in the first place. It sounded beautiful, when singing.  
_"If you have to throw up, do it outside"._  
And Jaebum constantly nodded his head, even though something told him that he hadn't understand a thing of what he had just said since he had an idiotic smile on his lips and his eyes were closed while he was sitting with most of his left cheek and forehead leaned against one of the seats. After finally being done with that guy, he took the driver's seat with the door wide open and he let his legs dangle outside, while he leaned towards his american friend, Mark, to grab a beer and have a sip. His hands were trembling from the cold and he didn't dare to imagine how his nose was, probably all red and runny.  
 

Every now and then, while talking with the group and laughing – and Jaebum didn't think his neighbor could laugh so much, but what would he know? They barely knew each other – the dark-haired boy turned around to make sure he was still alive. The discussion had taken a "special" turn as Jackson and Bambam had started talking about women. Beautiful women involved in way-too-explicit topics for his tastes that were slightly different. Well. Not that slightly, I mean, he clearly made it out of the closet a few months back. Therefore, he got disinterested for a few minutes and decided to devote himself to that poor guy lying on the backseats. He had slept for a while, now, and he was lying on his stomach, hands clasped together behind his neck as if he were sunbathing despite being in a car in the middle of the night. Now that he thought about it, it was almost midnight. Another shitty year had gone by, the thing didn't excite him at all. However, he tried not to think about it and found himself staring at his red-haired neighbour through the rearview mirror. He observed his dyed hair that had messily fallen on his forehead, his thin lips that, when hatched into a smile, showed a glimpse of perfect white teeth.  
_"What did you say your name was?"_  
He asked, even though the other had his eyes closed.  
_"Hmm? ..talking to me?"_  
Jaebum's voice sounded hoarse and scratchy and Youngjae couldn't help but chuckle when hearing him. He probably wouldn't remember anything the next day anyway so what harm could it do to chit chat a little? I mean, talking to a drunk person is always fun, isn't it? He'd rather talk to him instead of hearing about "what would Jackson do to that girl and that other girl" since women didn't inerest him at all.  
_"I don't know, you see someone else?"_  
Another laugh. Jaebum's laugh was kind of cute.  
_"I'm Jaebum and I'm your new neighbor"._  
Finally he managed to say, feeling a little better than he had before but he still couldn't reason clearly and therefore he talked too much, words half-eaten and words half-wrong. As he spoke, he also started gesticulating a lot and Youngjae took that opportunity to grab his hand and introduce himself properly too.  
_"Hi, new neighbor. My name's Youngjae"._

And so, they stopped talking. Youngjae started playing some game on his cellphone while Jaebum sat there with his head between his hands and his elbows resting on his thighs. He was trying to recover because he had passed the "sleepy" and "laughing" stage and now was back to the "nausea" one. He took long and silent breaths and even if the dark-haired boy didn't want it to be noticed, sometimes he turned his gaze towards him to make sure he was ok. Or maybe to make sure he didn't vomit in his father's car.  
_"Hey, Jaebum"._  
Hearing the voice, the said guy looked up, only to find a beautiful smile in front of him. People's screams were heard in the distance and fireworks started getting louder and louder but both of them weren't affected by it. They looked at each other for a few seconds, seconds that seemed an eternity at the moment and Jaebum could swear he would have never forgotten those brown eyes staring into his.  
_"Happy New Year"._  
  
When Jaebum woke up the next morning, it took him at least half an hour to get up. And well, he discovered it wasn't really morning at all. The sun was already up high in the sky. He woke up on a.. bed? How did he even end up on a bed? And in whose bed was he? He slowly got up, yawning, and as soon as he put feet down on the ground, he felt a strong ache in his head. Damn, he had drank way too much and if he thought about the previous night.. he didn't remember anything. Or better, he remembered going to the park, singing on stage and singing with his friends. He also remembered going to dance with the others but.. that was all. Everything else was removed, blank. He looked around, he knew that room. It was one of the girls' house, probably Hana's. He had nothing to do back home but he didn't really want to stay there and wait for the others (yes, there were others on the bed and on the floor) to wake up. He took the bus home, full of old ladies who kept on glancing at him. He hadn't even checked the mirror to see his own face, probably he looked like a zombie. Pale and messy and dirty and what else. He held the guitar tight in his hands and God blessed whoever took it and brought it home, he didn't know how it was even possible that it was still intact but it was and Jaebum was so relieved about it – only its case was a little spoiled but it was ok, he could always buy a new one.  
He tried to think about the previous night, again. Tried and tried, vainly. He couldn't remember anything at all. He hated that feeling. Not knowing what he had done. Maybe he did something stupid and embarassing, maybe he didn't do anything at all. He just slept the whole night. Maybe.. maybe what? He would never know. Everything he had done was gone forever from his memories, unless he found someone who was by his side the whole night. But.. how. He had to ask his friends as soon as they woke up.  
When he finally reached his apartment, he ran up the stairs in a hurry (he had no time to wait for the elevator and he couldn't afford others to see him like that). That only made his head hurt more and his stomach.. it felt like shit. He felt like throwing up again and damn, he swore he would never drink again. While his head was still reviewing thousands of thoughts, he found the house keys and just as he arrived at the seventh floor, too busy monitoring his feet to not fall like a sack of potatoes, he bumped into something. Or better, someone.

 

He immediately raised his eyes only to curse himself when he realized who it was. Obviously it was his neighbor. He was just about to apologize but got interrupted by the other's voice, a smile on his face.  
_"You look like shit._  
_Morning, Jaebum"._  
And Jaebum froze. Like, literally. He didn't know what to say and what to do and his mind was too busy thinking about how to react that he stood there, like a fool. Did he have an hallucination? His dark-haired neighbor had just spoken to him and smiled and now he was also going away as if nothing had happened. What the hell did he do yesterday?

* * *

 


	4. #04

* * *

_"Hey, Jaebum. Where the hell were you on New Year's Eve?"_  
A couple of days had passed by – days of maximum rest in which he had the strenght of doing nothing so he decided to catch up with his friends after a while. Yugyeom and Brian were playing videogames while Hana and the others were at the table, drinking coffee and throwing potato chips to one another. It was a freaking cold January and everyone had huge sweaters on, perhaps because the window in the living room was constantly open but Jaebum didn't want to close it. Obviously. Meanwhile the notes of Eminem's songs resonated throughout the house.  
_"I was with you, wasn't I? I woke up at Hana's house so--"_  
_"No man, you weren't. You were hanging out with Jackson last time we saw you"._  
Jackson? Maybe there were his friends too, then?  
_"Are you.. sure?"_  
_"Of course I am. You guys were having the time of your lives"._  
There was emptiness in his mind. Did he really spend his time with those guys? Did they really talk? Like, with his neighbor too? That was great news but really, why did he have to forget everything. He didn't even remember the other dudes' faces, who was there apart from Jackson?  
_"Woah, dude. Did you at least score with that blonde chick?"_  
_"I.."_  
Ah, right. That blonde chick. He had left her all alone. He didn't remember much of her too. He honestly only remembered her hair and that they had danced together but that was all. Her face was a mystery and everything else too. But he actually had found a new contact on his phone so it was probably her, he had saved it with a strange name though.  
_"I don't think I did"._  
_"Oh come on, she was fucking hot. Did you get her number?"_  
And again, all of them started laughing as if Jaebum's adventures were somehow interesting or amusing. He didn't like talking about these things. He didn't like talking about himself in general or being at the center of attention. He'd rather listen to others since he had nothing to say about himself. Things began to get annoying so he just passed a hand through his hair and sighed heavily.  
_"Yeah, I have a .. Youngjin, I guess?"_  
That was a lie. He didn't have any "Youngjin" on his phone. He actually had saved the contact name as "Youngjae" but that was a dude's name so he just thought he had made a typo. He was drunk that night so that was probably it, he had just written her name wrongly. At least he hoped so or else why would a guy's name be saved on his phone? The two guys who were playing in front of the tv, stopped to look at each other and giggled silently. He looked around the room confused, crossing their eyes first and then the others' too. Jinyoung just rolled his eyes and whispered a low "kids". Yeah, they were all acting like kids. Why would they laugh like that? What was wrong with whatever he had just said? Things like this made him so freaking mad.  
_"What the fuck, guys"._  
_"You sure it's not 'Youngjae'?"_  
_"Maybe our Jaebumie really scored – but with the wrong side"._  
And again, laughing and elbowing one another like little girls in middle school when their crushes passed by. But Jaebum couldn't understand them, he still didn't get what the hell they were talking about and what the hell was so funny about it. He stood there, still, with parted lips and a frown on his serious expression. He looked around the room once again to see if the others had understood what they meant and he just found other laughing faces. Nobody who supported him beside Jinyoung who just sat in silence.  
_"What"._  
He kept asking. If not the girl, who the fuck was that Youngjae guy? Why did everyone know except for him? Who else did he meet, that night? Seriously, he was getting impatient.  
_"Nothing man, just have a laugh"._  
After a few more attempts of getting everything explained in which he failed miserably, he decided to give up and after a long sigh, he went out on the balcony. He hated when his friends acted that way – it wasn't even funny. He really needed to know, he wanted to but they acted as if everything was a joke, as if they were freaking kids. It was already dark outside and there weren't many people around, maybe because it was Saturday and everyone was hanging out already. They had to go out too, that night: it was one of the girls' birthday. The desire to go was equal to zero. He'd rather stay at home. He didn't even like the girl that much, he barely talked to her. Another sigh was interrupted by Hana's voice.  
_"Uh, the others are going"._  
She just said, entering the balcony while approaching the guy. He didn't move an inch, he just looked at her and nodded his head a couple of times before rolling a cigarette for himself.  
_"Not coming?"_  
_"I'll join you guys later"._  
Hana just smiled and imitated him, leaning on the railing while observing him. He had always had a strange feeling about her. He didn't want to brag or what else but maybe she had a crush on him. It wouldn't amaze him, considering that she seemed annoyed when they were talking about the blonde chick and it wasn't the first time he had noticed this behaviour. He didn't know how to act, though, because he had known her for a lifetime now and didn't absolutely feel any type of attraction in her regards. And as long as she didn't confess, he couldn't be hundred per cent sure.  
_"Can I keep you company?"_  
And now? What did he have to say? That he didn't want her and would rather stay alone? He couldn't be rude with her, even if he wanted to. He didn't know how to resist those doe eyes. Big brown eyes. And for a mere second, he could swear he saw his dark-haired neighbor's serious eyes. He had to shake his head a couple of times to get rid of that image and he automatically glanced at his balcony to check if he was there but nope, lights were switched off and it looked like nobody was home.  
_"What the fuck"._  
He whispered to himself, wondering why he had seen such an image in his mind. Why he had seen him so close and why did he keep thinking about him.  
_"Jaebum?"_  
Once again it's Hana's sweet voice that brought him back to Earth and he just staightened up while looking at her, a half-smile on his lips.  
_"Uh – yeah, of course"._

 

They stood out for about ten more minutes, talking about this and that. Really, nothing serious. Everyone else was gone and Jaebum felt better that way. He didn't want to go to the party, he wanted to spend a quiet night. Even having a girl in his apartment – all to himself – didn't really excite him at all. He let the smoke out of his lips and turned his head towards his friend, thoughtful.  
_"Hey, Hana. Can I ask you something?"_  
And the girl looked at him with a glint of hope in her eyes, she nodded and hoped for some kind of proposal, like, "let's go grab something to eat together" or "let's go to my room" or even "please be my girlfriend". But Jaebum didn't even notice her gaze, he was too busy thinking about how to formulate the sentence without looking too eager.  
_"Who were you talking about, earlier?"_  
She looked away, letting out a small sigh. Pathetic. She was pathetic. How come she still kept on hoping when clearly she had no chance with him? I mean, they were alone, in his house. And he hadn't even tried to kiss her nor bring her to his bed. That really was pathetic. She knew she had to let him go but it wasn't that easy, not when she saw him almost everyday.  
_"Come on, you know that guy. The homo"._  
_"The what?"_  
_"I'm sure you saw him. Black hair? Losers' sweater? The one who didn't talk and acted all superior like he was better than us?"_  
Jaebum raised his eyebrows, surprised. Did he hear right? He watched her for a few moments, amazed, before pointing his eyes on the other balcony, once again. Was she really talking about.. him? Youngjae? Was that his name, then? He didn't expect it at all. He didn't know he was gay, he had absolutely no idea and now he was quite shocked but the real question was: how the hell did he have his number? Did they do something? Oh.. was that the reason why Youngjae had greeted him? Was he expecting something? Was he thinking that Jaebum was gay too? Were they --  
_"You're acting strange, you know that right?"_  
Her voice kept interrumping his thoughts but maybe it was better this way, there was no way he could remember what had happened and not a chance that he would have asked him anything. Nope, not at all. As much as he wanted to know, he just couldn't. What if he came to know something he didn't want to remember? What if he had done something.. something with him. Jaebum wasn't gay. Nothing against it but really, he wasn't. Although his obsession with that guy was kind of questionable. And the fact that he found him beautiful. And that he wanted to get to know him better. But no way he was gay.  
..right?  
 

In the end, they decided to go out. But not to the party, both of them didn't really feel like going so she proposed to go ice skating. And of course he couldn't refuse when she looked at him with those big doe eyes. Not fair. And so he brought her to a new place that barely anyone knew. Hana's eyes lit up even though she knew she didn't have to misunderstand his actions. He only saw her as a friend, that was all. I mean, she was a great girl and really, Jaebum had tried to see her as something else a few months back because she was pretty and he felt super comfortable with her but.. she was just like a little sister to him and he just couldn't.  
The evening passed well, it took a while for him to remember how to keep balance on those devilish skates but he had loads of fun. In the background there still were Christmas songs although it was already over. When they were finally tired, they took off their skates and took refuge on the highest stands, alone, and Jaebum wrapped his jacket around the girl's shoulders because he saw that she was trembling and immediately asked her if she wanted something hot to drink. A hot chocolate would be perfect, wouldn't it? Obviously she accepted, nobody could turn a hot chocolate down. So he went down the steps in a hurry and reached the bar at the entrance, realizing that he was an idiot because he shouldn't act like prince charming if she wasn't even his princess. But Jaebum was like that, he couldn't resist pretty eyes and he melt in front of beautiful smiles.  
_"Look who's here, Jaebum! What's up, my man?"_

* * *

 


	5. #05

* * *

Needless to say, he got scared shitless when a hand hit his back out of the blue but he immediately recognized the voice who had spoken and he was more surprised by the fact that Jackson had just called his name. When he turned around to meet his eyes, he saw that he wasn't alone: behind Jackson stood Youngjae who, after a simple hand wave, returned to his phone – probably to play some game. His heart stopped for a second and he just stood there, staring at him like a fool until a loud laughter resonated throughout the place. Everyone directed their gazes towards the guy who had just let out that loud laugh only to find out it was Mark. Bambam had just fallen on the ice and Mark remained still, laughing noisily without even helping him up. Yeah, actually it would have been strange to only see Jackson and Youngjae without the other two tagging along.   
They entertained themselves in a short conversation, mainly Jaebum and Jackson since his neighbor was so busy with the phone, until the hot chocolates were ready. He looked towards Hana, he didn't really want to go back to her. Also, she looked busy on a phone call so he decided he could take a little more time to himself.  
_"You didn't call back, man. You made Youngjae sad"._  
_"Shut up, idiot. It's not true"._  
Jaebum raised his eyebrows, confused. What? I mean ..what? Was Youngjae waiting for him to call or message him or something? Yeah, he had his number but he thought.. no, he didn't think anything. But why _this_ made him so happy inside? He swore that boy occupied more than 50% of his daily thoughts and now he actually started questioning himself. Was it really possible that he felt nothing for that guy? There was no logical answer to that. He noticed how Youngjae glared at his friend, giving him a quick punch on the arm to make him shut up. And.. was that a blush on his cheeks? Damn, so cute. He couldn't help but smile watching that whole scene happening before his eyes.  
_"Uh, guys. I know it's embarassing but.. it's not like I remember much of that night"._  
He felt obliged to say so because he didn't want them to think he remembered everything, didn't want them to think he was conscious about what he was doing a few nights back – 'cause he obviously wasn't. But they just shrugged and said that he wasn't the only one. Bambam too was pretty high that night and didn't remember anything. And Mark, who always looked so quiet and calm, apparently was the loudest and drunkest one. So they didn't remember much too.  
_"Then I'll go. It was good to see you, dude. Show your face some more around here"._  
Jackson said, after getting sick of the two skaters who kept on calling his name, telling him to come back.  
_"You're not going?"_  
_"I don't know how to skate"._  
_"Oh, ok"._  
Jaebum felt his fingers getting warmer and warmer with the two chocolates in his hands. He wondered why talking to Youngjae was always that hard, he made him feel so conscious about himself, even more awkward than he normally was. If he didn't skate at all, why was he here anyway?  
_"Anything to get out of that house"._  
As if he had read his mind, the dark-haired boy spoke suddenly. That answer made him shudder a little and he couldn't do anything but remain silent – although he had too many things too say and too many questions to ask but didn't know where to start. What would you say in that situation? Perhaps Youngjae knew that he heard everything from his apartment, that's why he deliberately said that? Because there was no need to hide it? He wondered if his neighbor's friends knew about it. Jackson, Mark, Bambam. Were they aware of it? A hand waving in the distance caught his attention and he realized he had to go back to Hana so he let out a long sigh.  
_"Listen, I, uh, have to go but.. you know, if you need a break– my door's open"._  
He didn't know how he got the courage to say that but the smile he received as an answer made everything worth it. He felt his heart melt a little at the view. Therefore he greeted him and started walking away but the other's voice called for him one last time.  
_"Jaebum! Your number!"_  
Hearing his name escaping those flashy lips made him wobble a little. He nodded from afar and as soon as he reached Hana and gave her the glass of hot chocolate, he took the phone and sent Youngjae a message: _"yo"._ He sat near his friend and started sipping on his drink, his eyes following the dark-haired guy from there. The girl beside him started talking about something but Jaebum couldn't focus on her words. When the phone started vibrating to inform that a message had arrived, he looked at it only to find a smiley face as an answer from Youngjae. He smiled to himself. He felt so stupid. It had been a while since he last had felt that way and he couldn't stop feeling butterflies in his stomach.  
_"Can you bring me home?"_  
Hana said, watching him and he just nodded a couple of times as they got up to exit from that place. He had fun that night but nothing compared to the feeling he had while talking to his neighbor. God, he was a lost cause. 

 

As time passed by, Jaebum found out that Youngjae was a really weird guy. Or at least that's what he thought everytime he talked to him. Not in a bad way, though. What was weird? Everything.  
From the way he spoke to the way he wrote, from the way he stared at people to the way he acted in front of others, from the way he smiled to the way he sang. Because yes, Youngjae sang too and Jaebum had never heard a more beautiful and soothing voice. Not that he had ever sang in front of him. It was just that, with the arrival of Spring, both of them kept their windows open and Jaebum often heard him sing from the balcony, accompanied by his piano. Different from when he spoke but still recognizable and unique. He would never get tired of it and he would never understand why the other guy kept such talent for himself. It was also weird how Youngjae didn't like talking by phone so whenever he sent a message with only two letters on it ("c.o" meaning "come out"), Jaebum had to go out on the balcony to meet him. If someone had seen their whatsapp conversation, they would think they were crazy. Pages and pages of "c.o" and "hurry up". And Jaebum preferred it too, being able to speak to him while looking into his big brown eyes. Jaebum had finished his exams and they talked about that. Jaebum had visited his parents during the weekend and they talked about that. Jaebum had gone out with Hana a couple of other times and they talked about that. They always talked about the red-haired guy or music or movies or whatever. But never about Youngjae and his life. He had so many things to ask but he still was too shy around him, not brave enough to take any steps forward. He wanted to learn more about him but they had time, so he tried to keep his composure.

He also had long ago understood that the guy's father was an old-fashioned man and that he was pretty demanding but he had never stopped to talk to him. He only greeted him on the stairs or elevator or what else, but never really spoke. He always tried to be polite and kind although he didn't really feel any kind of sympathy for him (for obvious reasons) and he was good at hiding those feelings in front of him. He didn't want to look like bad company for Youngjae so he had to act that way. You never know, maybe one day his father would have said something like "you can't hang around my son anymore" for some obscure reason – that was not going to happen, ever.  
_"My father doesn't really like you"._  
Had said the dark-haired guy, one day out of the blue.  
_"Seriously? Why?"_  
"He said you always smell like cigarettes and alcohol. And you and your friends are noisy at night".  
Youngjae drank a lot too. Like, he always had a beer near him even at home – but his father probably didn't know it. Also.. noisy? _He_ was the one making noise?  
_"Look who's talking"._  
He just retorted but immediately froze, covering his mouth with his hand. He didn't mean it. It wasn't his intention to say something like that, it just escaped his lips and shook his head.  
_"I.. really, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to--"_  
_"Doesn't matter, I get it. Gotta go to work anyway"._  
And he smiled, as if nothing had happened. Wait, what? He had to go to work? Since when did he start working anyway?  
_"I'll see you tonight!"_  
  
The day seemed to pass too slowly, he was bored and couldn't wait for his neighbor to return even if he didn't know at what time he ended his shift, whatever his job was. The more he thought about it, the more he realized he didn't know anything about him. About his life, what he did before and who he worked for. And just as he was deciding on taking a ride somewhere, he got a message from Jackson (how the hell did he get his number?). It read something about a party at his house with a few intimate friends. Giving for granted that Youngjae would have gone too, he decided to get ready and reach the party as soon as he could. There, he was greeted by a hug and a friendly pat on the back: no trace of his neighbor anywhere. Just "a few unknown faces" everywhere (probably forty or fifty people – "intimate friends" he had said). How many friends did Jackson have? Well, now that he thought about it, apart from being a well-known singer, he was a funny and nice guy too. He remained there for a while, with Mark and Bambam, since Jackson had gone to greet other people, but after a while he got kind of bored and decided to check his phone. There was a new message from Youngjae which said that he was waiting outside, by his car. He damned himself because the message was sent like half an hour before and he had read it only then. But that didn't stop him from hurrying towards the door to go meet his friend.  
_"You still there?"_  
He sent, his hands trembling a little and his eyes looking for dark hair around the parking lot.

* * *

 


	6. #06

* * *

Youngjae was in fact, still there. Leaning on the car door with his eyes fixed on the phone and headphones on his ears. He was moving his head to the rythm – a rythm Jaebum couldn't make out even though his plump lips were whispering words now and then, silently. He didn't seem to notice his arrival so he quietly stole one of his earphones and got it closer to his own ear, just to figure out what his friend was listening to. "Finesse" by Bruno Mars featuring Cardi B.  
Youngjae jerked at that sudden gesture but when he recognized Jaebum's face, he just smiled and let him do it. Only after the song ended, he dedided to turn off his phone to meet the other's eyes, a dark look on his face. He wanted to act mad, he wanted to say "you left me here alone for too long" but how could he resist? He was a terrible liar, the most terrible actor in the planet.  
_"Sorrysorrysorry"._  
_"It's cold. Just let me in"._  
It was all he said with a hidden grimace on his expression. It was pretty cold outside and Jaebum felt so at fault, he let out a deep sigh while opening the car. Youngjae's nose was reddish and runny and he had started rubbing his hands together, he was freezing. Taking the driver sit, he just sat there, his eyes following the other boy's movements. Why didn't he come inside the house anyway? Why didn't he leave after waiting outside for so long?  
_"Did you come by foot?"_  
_"Yep"._  
It made no sense at all. Maybe his dad didn't want to lend him the car and he could understand that but Jaebum didn't like it at all, the idea of the other alone on the street, at night. With this cold. With so many idiots around. Well, at least now they were together. And close. So goddamn close, Jaebum couldn't think straight at all. As always, the other's presence made him super conscious.  
_"How was work?_  
_And.. uh, where do you wanna go?"_  
He asked, although he was the one on the driver's seat. He had already started the engine but still didn't have any destination on his mind so he let the other guide him. Youngjae started giving him directions: "turn here", "turn left", "go straight" while playing with the radio until he found something he liked. And then he started singing it and again, Jaebum felt butterflies in his stomach and his voice was just so perfect, he didn't want him to stop ever. They kept driving and driving and Jaebum started singing too, while the other just pointed at the directions they had to take with his index finger. They kept driving until they reached the park were they had met "for the first time". Or better, not the park – just the parking lot. Finally the music was lowered and without saying a word, Youngjae opened the door and jumped down. But instead of going towards the gate of the park, he just put pressure on his arms and hopped onto the hood of the car. He had to admit he was quite thrilled about it. He couldn't say "get off of my car" to Youngjae. Not when he met those big brown eyes and those plump rosy lips. Not when he was trying hard to pretend to be mad but Jaebum knew it wouldn't last long. So he imitated his gestures and got up on the hood of the car too. He felt too close to him, he felt their shoulders touch and his own heartbeat beating too fast for his tastes. Still keeping his eyes down, too embarassed to say anything.  
_"It went well"._  
_"Uh?"_  
_"Work, I mean. It's a music store, nothing much. I'm not complaining, it could have been worse"._  
Given how much he liked music, it wasn't that bad. Although it's not the same as producing or composing but it was still something. If it was ok with him, then it was ok with Jaebum too.  
_"Why so suddenly?"_  
_"You know my old man. He doesn't want a good-for-nothing son"._  
And when the red-haired guy asked him for explanations, Youngjae confessed he had left school. Things were pretty bad alredy, he didn't study much in high school either. But after his parents' divorce, everything had worsened. He was the one who wanted to stay with his father but he didn't expect him to change this much over the years. With his mother.. he didn't really have a good relationship to start with. She had always been absent for him. She had found another man and his father got humiliated. Maybe that was the reason why he was so harsh with him – that's what Youngjae thought. Because he didn't want his son to humiliate him further: he had to study, find a job, get married. Live a normal life so that his father would be proud. But he had left school, had found a useless job and was gay. What could have been worse? His father thought he was an ignorant, a lazy one. Luckily he still didn't know that he was gay and Youngjae didn't plan to tell him anytime soon. They always made up, after fighting. And even if his father said harsh words to him, even if it didn't look like it, he knew that he loved him. Or at least, he hoped so. He hoped that it was only the wrath of the moment. And Jaebum couldn't help but agree with him, console him, tell him that it was certainly like that even if he didn't show it.  
 

  
_"Hey. Would you like to tell me something?"_  
_"What?"_  
_"Uh.. what happened on New Year's Eve?"_

 

 

How did they end up like that? How the hell did they find themselves in that situation? Jaebum hadn't noticed until that moment and now he asked himself how. What had happened. How did they end up talking about Youngjae's life and how did Youngjae's head end on his thighs with his eyes turned towards the sky and the stars. He wondered how he ended up stroking lightly his hair with one hand, with such sweetness he had never reserved for anyone else. Yet, it didn't seem strange. It all felt so natural and neither of them had to hold back. Youngjae was lulled by those caresses while the other was lulled by his voice and stood there, listening to the story of his life, listening about his school and friends and music. After talking about his parents' divorce and their relationship, Youngjae had started talking about that famous New Year's Eve night and this made him smile again because he was reminded of things Jaebum had done while being drunk that had made him laugh so hard. In the end – though – nothing had really happened.  
Jaebum was quite happy and he had started to act like a fool (and god, how ashamed he was as the dark-haired guy was telling about it). He had started screaming weird things, saying bad words about the girls he had met. Things like "you're better than them" to Youngjae himself. And if Youngjae hadn't believed it at the time because the other was drunk while saying it.. if he thought about it now, well, he could have reconsidered it. I mean, how couldn't he? They were alone, in a dark parking lot, laughing like two idiots and talking about every little aspect of their lives. And Jaebum's hands were caressing his hair and he was looking into his eyes and.. damn, Youngjae was head over heels for him already. But he didn't want to get his own hopes up, Youngjae knew that the other wasn't into guys. If only he had the courage to ask him: "Am I really better than them?" - if only he had the courage. Because Jaebum's answer would have been positive. Yes, of course he was. He was better than anyone else in that city. But neither of them had the courage and both of them kept silent. Some things had to still wait a little.  
He also told him of how they had started singing at the top of their lungs, with the other three guys too. And how they were so out of tune because Jaebum's drunk voice was awful – _"don't worry, though"_ he had added – _"Bambam is worse"._  
Apparentely, it was Jaebum who had insisted on having his number but while writing it, he had made so many mistakes that the other guy had to steal his phone and re-write it copletely. He provoked him, talking about how Jaebum had fallen asleep against his shoulder, mouth wide open, looking like a lost puppy. Jaebum was so embarassed while hearing all of it but in reality.. he couldn't care less. It was thanks to that night that they had started hanging out so it was worth it.  
_"Ah! We also took pictures!"_  
Before finishing the sentence, Youngjae had already his phone out and while laughing, he started searching for them. The other guy just shook his head, covering his face with a hand. He wanted to sink into the ground, why the hell was he so weak to alcohol. He didn't want to see them but he was still kind of curious too so he said nothing and just waited for the other to find them. Some of the pictures portrayed Jackson and Mark posing, then there were close-ups of Bambam making funny faces, many were blurred (and Jaebum was probably the one who had taken them) and finally, he found the selfies. Those terrible photos where Youngjae was as gorgeous as ever, dark hair falling into his forehead, lips so full and bright eyes. While Jaebum.. decisely not sober. Crossed eyes, crooked lips, hands that covered half of the camera. There even was one in which he had stolen Jackson's hat and had tucked his lips out, imititating a duck. Eyelids half closed and his fingers showing a "v" sign.  
_"I swear, you were beautiful!"_  
Added the black haired guy, laughing loudly although Jaebum was pretty horrified. He was happy, though, that he could make his friend laugh like that. And while Youngjae was still flipping through the photos, explaining precisily where and when they had snapped it, Jaebum got distracted by his looks for a second. Spellbound, he noticed that as beautiful as he was in every picture, none of them could do him justice. His skin, his breath, his smile. God, that smile. He almost didn't realize when he parted his lips to murmur a low:  
_"You are"._

* * *

 


	7. #07

* * *

There's a short silence. Just a few seconds. But those two seconds seemed an eternity. And in those two seconds, Jaebum realized he was completely fucked. Did he really say that? Did those words really leave his lips? His hands froze immediately, as well as the rest of his body that became stiff and he held his breath. Now that nobody was talking, he felt his own heartbeat and damn, that was noisy and if "I'm your new neighbor" sounded stupid, this.. this beat everything. It beat everything that he had ever said in his life because heck, he didn't want to ruin their friendship, he didn't want to ruin the moments they spent together since they were so precious. He should have learned how to shut his mouth because – Youngjae's smile made him come back to Earth and he finally felt like he could breathe again. His eyes looked directly into the black-haired's ones and they looked so close but yet so unreachable. Barely visible because of the fringe that kept on falling on his forehead.  
_"Of course I am"._  
He broke the silence and Jaebum felt relieved. That was one of the reasons he liked that guy so much: he was able to alleviate the tension with just one smile, with one word, keeping his composure when he felt like Jaebum was in difficulty. Even during these moments in which the latter felt so damn stupid and vulnerable. It wasn't his intention to let something so serious escape his lips. He had no intention of confessing in the first place, but if he had to, he wanted it to be something special and not just a "you're beautiful" due to the heat of the moment, not in a dark and almost creepy parking lot. But obviously he couldn't hide anymore the attraction he felt for him. Like.. only an idiot wouldn't notice it. It had never happened before, he had never felt something so strong for anyone, nonetheless for someone of the same sex.  
_"Hey"_.  
It's always the other's voice that attracted his attention and suddenly he felt a hand touching his own. Thin fingers made their way to his left hand and got intertwined with his. Finally united, their hands were brought on Youngjae's chest, still lying down on the other's thighs. Jaebum didn't understand. Or rather, he couldn't find the words to describe that thing he felt. That feeling that enveloped him and made his stomach hurt and his chest feel too tight. He brought his gaze on their fingers and decied that words weren't needed. So he kept silent, enjoying the fresh air while looking at the sky and listening to the sounds the night had brought with it. He was so embarassed and clumsy and inexperienced and that was okay because everything was perfect and nothing could have ruined that moment.

 

 _"Let's go"._  
It was almost two o'clock when Youngjae finally sat up, getting up from the other guy's legs. It was still early but since he had work the next day, he had to get some sleep. He wasn't used to waking up early but he knew he had to change his timetables in order to be more active. He hadn't expected such an evening – it wasn't his intention to talk that much of himself, and above all.. he didn't believe it was possible that the red-haired guy could say something like that, so out of the blue. He hadn't really showed it but.. he was so freaking excited when he heard it. And his heart was beating like crazy. Luckily Jaebum couldn't hear it, it would have been embarassing. Everytime he thought about it, he felt his lips relax in a smile. He had promised himself to not melt in front of the first sweet thing someone said to him but it was Jaebum. Everything he made, was making him feel like this. 

Anyway, his neighbor just nodded a few times and got down from the hood, returning inside the car. His legs were kind of aching, since he had stayed in the same position for more than a hour. Obviously they hadn't passed the whole rest of the evening just looking at the sky, that would have been even worse than talking directly of what had just happened – but they didn't mention anything anymore because it was already a little weird by itself. They had sung a couple of songs and made a few jokes, they talked more of some of the things they had left unfinished. They sang because Jaebum couldn't get enough of his voice and finally Youngjae had ammitted his passion for music and confessed that yes, it was him who played the piano during the day and how cute, he was extremely embarassed at that time. They also discovered that their voices matched perfectly and were in such a harmony.  
However, the return journey seemed to pass too quickly and in a blink of an eye, both of them were in front of their apartments. Now more than ever, it felt so strange knowing that they were this close. They were together almost 24/7 and Jaebum was worried about the other getting tired of him – but he wanted to enjoy it as long as it lasted.  
_"Jaebum"._  
It was just a whisper because they were in a hallway and didn't want to wake up anyone in the building – but Jaebum heard it and turned around to face him one last time before getting into his house.  
_"You know.. we should do it again, sometimes"._  
That's all he said and Jaebum could swear he had seen a veil of shyness there. Weird, because Youngjae was never shy around anyone. It made him so happy and he nodded with a smile – smile that wouldn't abandon him for like hours and hours. They waved goodbyes as they had always done because the fact that Jaebum found him beautiful and that they had kept their fingers intertwined for the whole night didn't change anything between them. Instead, made them only realize that whatever they had.. wasn't a simple friendship. Obviously they had to do it again. Everyday, if they could. Jaebum would never get tired, even if they ended up hanging out with the others too. To him, being with the other guy was the most important thing, the rest didn't count. With whom they were, where, doing what. Not important at all. And as expected, that smile kept being there on his lips even when he had lied down on his bed, making it hard to close his eyes and sleep. Idiotic smirk and confused thoughts kept on running in his head: did it really happen? 

 

 _"Can't believe you left us there"._  
Bambam said, going around the shelves of the music store Youngjae was working in. He touched a little bit of everything, curious just like a cat, eyes kept travelling from one album cover to the other – a lot of them he had never seen before. Jackson nodded in response, as if he wanted to emphasize his friend's words. Jaebum felt a little guilty, it wasn't in his plans but well.. it happened. And he wouldn't change anything about it. Only a couple of days had passed and both Jaebum and Youngjae had been busy with other things: work and university and whatever else. So the dark-haired guy's friends decided to go visit him directly in his work place, receiving a couple of fulminating looks from his boss but they didn't really care. Jaebum didn't know if the others knew about them. Well.. it wasn't even a "them", nothing had happened but in the meantime lots of things he couldn't even explain.

 _"Leave him be, he was with me"._  
_"Oh"._  
Bambam stared at them for a few seconds, going from one to the other guy, confused. Until he finally realized something and his lips suddenly closed in a even bigger "o".  
_"OOOH"._  
He repeated, this time more excited than before, hand grabbing Jackson's with a smirk on his face. The other frowned, perplexed. He didn't understand what they were talking about since he had been distracted by a girl that had just entered the store. He turned around, facing the smirking guy and gave him a confused look.  
_"What?"_  
_"I knew it"._  
_"Knew what?"_  
_"You know what"._  
And they continued for a while. Now the most confused one was Jaebum who looked at Youngjae, trying to get some kind of explanation but the other just shrugged, not knowing what to say. Those guys were just like kids and trying to understand them was futile.  
_"Hey, since when?"_  
_"Uh? What are you talking about?"_  
Bambam kept asking questions to which nobody could answer. Seriously, what was going on? He felt like.. they knew about whatever had happened between him and Youngjae. Probably he had said something to them but what? Jaebum was curious. And hearing them talking about that stuff, being so curious about things that didn't really concern them, gave him an idea. A stupid and senseless idea but.. by any chance, did those two make a bet? They gave him that vibe, he didn't really know why and he also didn't want to get involved so he just sighed, shaking his head with a vague tone.  
_"I've no idea what you're saying"._  
He answered again with a smirk, teasing them and finding it funny how the others two kept on whispering to each other, trying to pry some information from him.  
_"Oh come on, you can't hide it from us! You guys were made for each other anyway"._  
_"God, won't you shut up already"._  
Youngjae intruded, a hand grabbing Jaebum's arm to pull him away from those two jackals. He brought him outside the store for a couple of minutes, declaring his break to his boss. They were alone for too little so Youngjae just told him to pass by his house later that afternoon. Again, that feeling in his stomach enveloped him making him unable to say anything, so he just nodded. He had never gone to his house, he had never entered his room so.. he felt a little nervous about it. In the end the other had to go back in again, so Jaebum found himself walking through other stores nearby, accompanied by Jackson and Bams. Those two still wouldn't stop asking questions so Jaebum decided to tell them everything, exasperated (and kind of amused too). Well, not really everything. He just told them his point of view. He had never imagined himself confessing his attraction so easily to someone. Like, he didn't even know what that feeling was but he had just blurted out that he liked him, that he got shy near him and that he wanted to stay by his side for a long time still. Words couldn't efficiently describe everything he had inside but he knew the others had understood him perfectly. He knew he could trust them, despite having known them for a short period of time. At least they wouldn't laugh at him like his actual friends did, they wouldn't call Youngjae "the homo guy" just to make fun of him.  
(And later on, he found out that Jackson and Bambam had seriously made a bet about them: "how long before they realize they like each other like middle schoolers?")

* * *

 


	8. #08

* * *

It was his first time entering Youngjae's house. They had always met in Jaebum's apartment since the other's father could come back home any time and they didn't really want to get caught. Well, not that they did anything suspicious, they barely touched each other, they just talked about this and about that, sometimes Jaebum would play his guitar while the other would sing with his beautiful voice. But that was all. So when he set foot in that guy's room, first thing he did was looking around, everywhere. It was cosy and felt warm, walls covered by posters and photos and various writings. He read them, in his mind, trying to get the references. They were songs' lyrics or citations or probably just thoughts. It was kind of messy, full of books and paperworks and there was also a guitar leaning on the closet but Jaebum didn't know Youngjae could play it. He had never talked about it and he had never heard it from his room. The brunette immediately went for the balcony door and opened it, turning then around to face him.  
_"Welcome to my flophouse._  
_You can smoke in, if you want to"._  
He said with a smile but Jaebum obviously wouldn't do that. They both knew it, how could he when Youngjae's father would yell at him if he smelled like smoke?  
_"So, you want something?"_  
He asked after a few seconds – again, he seemed a little embarassed and Jaebum couldn't help but smile to himself because he was so adorable when he acted like that and his ears would become pinkish and his eyes would look away. He shook his head accompanied by a low _"no, thanks"_ but that didn't stop the other from leaving the room to go search for something in the kitchen. A couple of minutes passed by before the other came back: two sodas and a bunch of chocolate bars and stuff like that. There wasn't really much left in the kitchen anyway. But when he came back, he was welcomed by a pleasant melody which resonated in the whole room. The dark-haired boy leaned on the doorway in the most quiet way possible to not disturb Jaebum who had picked up the guitar and was now sitting on the bed, playing it in the most natural way possible. Thinking out loud, by Ed Sheeran. Youngjae too wasn't really a fan of people touching his stuff, he didn't want anyone to play _his_ guitar. But he didn't care, not that time. The chords reached his ears with such sweetness and pureness that he couldn't even open his mouth to let him know that he was back, his neighbor was too absorbed in his own world to notice him. So he closed his eyes and let out a soft sigh, letting the chords lully him to another world – the same world Jaebum was in at the moment. It went on and on until the older guy, unawere of his arrival, didn't look up and as soon as he saw him, he just stopped playing. Youngjae was abruptly brought back to reality and opened his eyes, meeting the dark orbs of the other.  
_"I'm sorry, I shouldn't hav--"_  
_"Go on, please?"_  
That's all he said and as if he had just received an order, Jaebum restarted playing once again, fingers moving fast on the guitar's strings. With light steps, Youngjae reached him on the bed and sat by his side. So close that he felt their legs touching but not enough to bother him while he was playing. That was one of his favorite songs ever so without even realizing it, he started singing and Jaebum too, couldn't hold himself so their voices met once again, perfectly matched. But seeing the dark-haired guy so into it, Jaebum decided to pull a joke on him and suddenly changed the melody: Cupid's chokehold, cover by Gym Class Heroes. For a few seconds, Youngjae kept singing Ed Sheeran's lyrics and when he noticed the change of rythm, he burst out laughing and punched his friend on the shoulder. A whispered _"asshole"_ escaped his lips. He then tried to rap as Travie Mccoy did but with a terrible result, making Jaebum burst out laughing too. Yeah.. well.. Youngjae was the most terrible rapper in the history of rappers so he couldn't blame him at all.  
He didn't know how it happened. He didn't know why the look they exchanged in that fragment of a second was longer and more intense than any they had exchanged before. He didn't know why he felt so embarassed or why his heart had suddenly started beating faster and faster, frantically. He only knew that Jaebum's face was getting closer. Closer, so close that his eyes couldn't help but stare into his and there was no need for words, no need to add anything else. The melody stopped and their lips met. Silence reigned in the whole house.  
 

Youngjae's lips were soft. Touching his skin caused him a slight tingling all over his body. The fingers that had been moving from string to string a few moments before, were placed on the other's cheek and it felt strange because he was kissing another guy and he would have never imaged it but it's so magical and natural and beautiful at the same time, he could almost still hear the music in his head although both of them were firm, closed eyelids and held breaths.  
It didn't last long, the kiss. Their first kiss. But the pleasant sensation yes – and when he moved away from those inviting lips, he slowly opened his eyes only to meet the surprised ones of the other. So beautiful.  
_"Who told you to stop playing?!"_  
As if he wanted to hide his embarassment, Youngjae scolded him but he couldn't stop smiling and both of them noticed that, so Jaebum chuckled. Happy as he had never been. Yeah, he definitely had fallen head over heels for him 'cause he wanted to kiss him again. And again and again. And he wanted to hold him and embrace him and god, why was he blushing like that? He swore he could have stayed there, staring at him for days. And that's what he did, more or less. They spent the whole afternoon like that, in Youngjae's room, until the sun set and the room started getting dark. Only then they decided to part ways – just because Youngjae's father was going to come back in a hour and the guy had to make dinner. Jaebum wanted to help him but he received only a _"shoo shoo"_ and was pushed out of the apartment in the blink of an eye. 

 

Jaebum didn't feel like going back home. He did, he had too because he didn't have any other plan but he didn't want to. He actually didn't want to remain alone because he knew so damn well that as soon as he would have stepped into his room, he would have started thinking. Thinking about Youngjae, about what had happened, about them.  
_"Us"._  
He whispered to himself when the main door closed behind his back. He smiled, feeling stupid because he was twenty-three and for the first time in his life, he felt love. Because that was love, right? There were no other words that could explain it. That could explain the way his stomach twitched every time he saw the other guy, the way his heart beat faster any time he heard his voice. His mind went completely bank whenever he saw that beautiful bright smile, those perfect teeth, his legs felt wobbly and words wouldn't leave his lips the way he wanted to, they were slurred and confused. Twenty-three years and he was feeling a teenager all over again. So when he sat on the couch, still smiling because hell, Youngjae had this effect on him 24/7, he decided to call one of his friends and have a small talk. Just so he could pass time until sleepiness reached him.

Jinyoung took a while before answering the call: voice hoarse and low, he had to cough a few times before saying hello.  
_"Hey, Jaebum"._  
He greeted and immediately he could picture the other's smile plastered on his face, little wrinkles creeping around his cat eyes. He smiled back – although Jinyoung couldn't see him – and asked him a few formal questions. Like, how was he doing, how did the day go, stuff like that. It had been a while. It felt like they hadn't talked in ages because lately Jaebum had been busy hanging out with Youngjae and his friends and Jinyoung too, had been absent a few times from the group's rendevouz since he had other things to do. But as much as he was happy to hear him, Jinyoung seemed hasty to end their conversation, like he was on a rush.  
_"Are you busy? I can call you back tomorrow, man"._  
_"Oh-- no, it's ok, I just--"_  
Jaebum heard him stutter a little, noises in the background and a "who are you talking to?" came from another voice he didn't recognize, it seemed really close to his friend though. So he wasn't alone? Was that the reason why his answers were cut short? Jaebum felt kind of embarassed, he didn't know he had interrupted something, it wasn't his intention to butt-in and take away the other's time and-- wait a second. Was that a guy's voice, in the background?  
_"Ah- uhm"_  
Jinyoung was clearly uncomfortable, he didn't really want anyone to know he was seeing a guy but now Jaebum had heard him and he didn't know what to say because he was scared of his judgement. I mean, he was there too when the others had laughed at Youngjae when talking about his sexual preferences so he didn't really have the confidence to talk about his own to his friends. Didn't want them to mock him. There was a short silence in which Jinyoung excused himself to the guy that was probably standing next to him and got up, changing room to have more privacy and finally be able to talk to Jaebum. He trusted him, really, he did. But there was still something that made it hard to be hundred per cent honest and actually coming out of the closet so he just started rambling, telling him he was sorry because he hadn't said anything and that he still wasn't sure about his sexuality and--  
_"Jinyoung, slow down. It's fine. I mean"_  
He interrupted him as the other seemed close to exploding by the way he talked, confused and fast. He let out a laugh, trying to calm Jinyoung down a little and telling him to breathe.  
_"Really, it's fine. You know, I can't say I'm gay or anything but seems like I'm going out with a guy too so"_  
_"..are you serious?"_  
_"Youngjae. It's Youngjae"_  
He kept going. It was the first time he had said they were going out. Like, technically they weren't. They still hadn't decided anything but it felt good when it came out of his mouth. They were dating, weren't day? He would have asked the following day, just to be sure. He wanted to make things clear, he wanted to tell him that he liked him. No, not liked. Loved. But maybe that was too much? He should have probably kept that for himself, yeah, he didn't want to rush things when everything seemed so perfect the way it was now. He didn't want to scare him away.  
He and Jinyoung kept talking for a while, after that. Not hasty anymore, Jinyoung opened up a little when Jaebum told him everything that had happened in those few weeks. How he fell for him, how he made him feel. And Jinyoung too, he told him about the guy he was dating, how they had met and how long it had been. Apparently they had met on new year's eve too and they had exchanged numbers and one thing lead to another and they had started going out a couple of weeks before. Jinyoung admitted it wasn't his first man, there had been a few more and Jaebum felt a little betrayed because he thought he was trustful enough for the other to tell him but still, his friend hadn't told him anything at all during all that time. But feeling betrayed was kind of hypocritical since he himself wouldn't have talked about his relationship with Youngjae if all of this hadn't happened. So he just let it slide and kept reassuring him that it was ok, he didn't need to give any explanation. It was his choice who to go out with anyway. They talked for a while more until finally Jinyoung excused himself, saying that he had to go back to his boyfriend and Jaebum just smiled, thinking of how "my boyfriend" would sound on his neighbor's lips. He said goodbye and ended the call with a deep sigh. He himself felt a lot more confident after hearing about Jinyoung and he couldn't help but go lay on bed with this idiotic smile once again.

* * *

 


	9. #09

* * *

Weeks passed by, weeks in which Jaebum couldn't really think much of anyone since he had to think about his university degree - he was going to graduate soon, in summer. He hung out with the others just a few times but only for a couple of hours because hell, university was slowly taking away his soul and whenever he finished studying, he'd fall asleep immediately. Sometimes he'd just fall asleep without even realizing it, paper sheets and books scattered all over the bed. Youngjae himself had really little time, he was always working. Jaebum had discovered that not only his neighbor was still working at the music store, he also had found a job in a cafè so he was busy both morning and afternoon. They could only see each other at nights, on the balcony and sometimes Youngjae would wait for his father to fall asleep before sneaking out to Jaebum's apartment. They would cuddle and kiss and Jaebum would pull him close to his chest, singing to his ears, whispering sweet words. They never went further than that. They never spoke about sex. It would be a lie to say that Jaebum hadn't thought about it. Hell yeah he had, like, almost every day of his week but he had never been with a guy and although he had made some researches on the net, he didn't really know how to make the first step. He wondered if Youngjae had been with other guys, before him. How did he find out he was gay? Who was his first crush? Did his lips touch others'? And his hands? Body? Too many questions in his mind, everything that went through his head made it hard to focus on his studies. He grunted, frustrated, as he threw a pen on the table.  
He wanted him, badly. He missed him so much. And he wanted to bring him out, make his smile bright. Recently he had gotten gloomier, thinner, paler, Jaebum could see that he was tired and he didn't even know why he had to tire himself out like that with two jobs. Wasn't one enough? But Youngjae kept on telling him he needed money, never telling him why.

 _"We're having a party at the beach tonight. Please come? You're becoming a ghost"._  
He read the message with a chuckle. It was Jinyoung's. He was happy to see that his friend went along well with those dorks he had met on New Year's Eve, he had started hanging out more with them instead of the old group and sometimes he would bring his boyfriend with him. He was kind of envious, they held hands in front of everyone without getting scared of what people thought of them. And when they did so, Jaebum would steal a glance at his neighbor who kept silent, observing the intertwined fingers. They hadn't really advanced with their relationship, since they hadn't seen each other much. Jaebum hadn't still told him "I like you" – moreover "I love you", he felt like it was too early (but his heart didn't really think so and his stomach too). They were happy with how things were, they would walk side by side, sometimes their arms would brush against each other and Jaebum would feel like a middle school girl, all embarassed and excited at the same times but he never gave it away. He just wished.. he could hold him closer, he could wrap his arms around him and kiss him on his cheek, on his forehead, on his lips without everyone freaking out. Their friends were obviously ok with that and they didn't care about strangers but Youngjae.. didn't feel comfortable with showing affection in public. He was scared of meeting his father's friends or collegues or whoever and Jaebum could only resign at the idea of not being able of being all lovey dovey when they walked around town.  
_"You guys are lucky"_ he had once said to Jinyoung and his boyfriend. And he remembered the hurt look Youngjae had given him that time but he had never really understood why. He hadn't said anything wrong, had he? But Youngjae had never explained the reason behind his frown.  
It was already April by the time the beach had started being more crowded and although it was still freezing outside at night, he thought that it couldn't be that bad going there for once. He could have used some free time since on June and July he would have _literally_ be submerged in books and university meetings. He was nervous for his last exam, graduation had always seemed so far but now.. it was almost over and he didn't really know what to do of his life after university. Maybe find a job..? He didn't really want to, it seemed too hard but he couldn't just stay still all day. Anyway he decided to let himself go a little and decided that yes, he was gonna go to the party. He had to relax a little, he had been too stressed with all the studying and a drink or two didn't sound bad at all. He knew for sure Youngjae was going to be there too since it was on a Sunday night and usually he didn't work on Sundays. He asked him anyways, just to be sure.

 

The sun was slowly setting, the sky was painted of a beautiful orangey-pinkish color and Jaebum would have been amazed by the whole view of the beach if only he hadn't been too impatient to meet his friend. _Lover._ It was hard to call him that, it felt weird but he guessed they couldn't call themeselves friends anymore. Finally they could spend some time together, maybe the whole night too. They could've gone back home together and Youngjae could've passed the night in his room, cuddling by his side. He was all smiles and excitment when he arrived at his destination, eyes quickly wandering around to find familiar faces. He had asked to go together too but apparently Youngjae had gone to Mark's house before the party so they would have met directly there. He was nervous, he didn't really know why. It felt like a date after so many weeks they had hardly been seeing each other and although they weren't alone, he knew they could have some privacy if they wanted to. He was still at the parking lot and was too engrossed in his own world when he heard a familiar voice not so far. He turned around to meet a group of people gathered around someone, their backs pretty recognizable by then. Mark, Jinyoung, Jackson, Bambam and .. Yugyeom? (What was he doing there anyway?) They were surrounding the bonnet of a car and he could catch a glimpse of someone leaning on it – he was almost certainly sure it was Youngjae.  
_"Ouch, fuck, it hurts"._  
_"If only you stood still"._  
Immediately Jaebum felt something was off, his heart stopped beating there for a second and it took him all the strenght he had in his body to not run like an idiot towards the guys, concerned look on his face. He didn't know what was going on but it was definitely his neighbor's voice and it sounded pained. Youngjae seemed to notice him and suddenly went stiff after a low gasp escaped his lips, as if he hadn't expected to see him, as if he thought he wouldn't be here this early. As soon as they heard the quick footsteps, the others turned around too and Jackson was the first one to approach him and almost block him with his body, trying to slow him down.  
_"Jaebum, listen to me"_ he said with a worried tone. _"Promise me you won't do anything stupid"._  
But Jaebum couldn't really listen to him. Not when he met Youngjae's brown orbs, not when he saw the purplish bruise on his left cheek that covered most of his eye too.  
_"Jaebum, I'm serious. Promise you won't overreact becaus--"_  
"What the fuck happened here".  
Jackson was strong, he was well-built and all but it didn't took much for Jaebum to shove him off and proceed towards the gathered group. He didn't even know if what he felt was concern or anger or whatever else. He frowned, eyes scanning the bruise the other had on his face, it seemed rather recent. He clenched his teeth, travelling his eyes from one person to the other, still waiting for an explanation as he reached a hand to the purplish mark but Youngjae flinched, pushing his hand away.

 _"What the fuck happened here"._  
He repeated, this time you could hear his gradually irritated tone and he looked frightening. He looked so pissed that Jackson himself shivered even though he was the only one who could confront him among the guys. And both Jinyoung and Yugyeom had never seen him so pissed before, although they had known him for a long time.  
_"Youngjae, tell me"._  
_"It's nothing, really"._  
He tried to smile, obviously a forced smile that made his face hurt even more than before and he let out a low growl, bringing his hand on his cheek, not really knowing what to do about it. The pain wouldn't go away. Mark and Bambam started talking in unison, trying to explain the situation, both patting Jaebum's shoulder to keep him calm but they kept on circling around it and nobody really was telling him the truth and that made him even more mad. What the hell had happened to Youngjae's face. He wasn't asking much, he just wanted to know who the fuck had dared to touch him. Because that really looked like a punch – if not two or three. It was then that Jinyoung chimed in, a loud sigh before he started talking.  
_"His father found out"._  
_"Fuck you, Jinyoung. I told you not to say anything"._  
Youngjae glared at him, seriously pissed at the fact that he had spilled the tea so easily but Jinyoung couldn't really lie to his best friend. And that was all it took for Jaebum to turn around, deciding to go back to the apartment compleqx. Blood boiling in his veins. Jackson blocked his way, still trying to calm him down with hands on his shoulders and then on his chest to push him backwards.  
_"I'm fucking killing him"_ Jaebum gritted through his teeth, still trying to surpass Jackson. He swore he would've punched the guy in front of him too if he hadn't let him go. But the other seemed stuck on not wanting to let him go at all. He grabbed his arms, stopping him in his track. _"Fuck off, I swear, Jackson. Let me go"._  
_"You're gonna regret this. Listen, just calm the fuck down"._  
It seemed useless for a while, Jaebum kept on struggling as Jackson (and later on Yugyeom helped him too) tried to stop him, calming him down, pushing his chest rather roughly even. He felt like a wild beast, he felt rage creeping inside him as he thought of the man hitting Youngjae and that made him literally insane. How could he? What the hell was wrong with him? Just because he had found out what? That his son liked guys? Was it that wrong? It felt more than natural to him. As they tried to get Jaebum to quiet down, telling him that he would regret it, that it would be pointless, that he would get in trouble, Jinyoung took care of the bruise his neighbor had obtained. All of them had reacted more or less the same way he did (mostly Jackson, since Youngjae had been his closest friend for a while now) but the dark-haired guy had convinced them it wasn't worth it. Tired of being held back, Jaebum shoved his friends off of him and turned back to his lover, even more pissed than before. He didn't know he had this .. thing inside of him. He didn't know he could be this protective, he would have done anything for his neighbor, really, he felt like he could have gone and punched his father once, twice, thousands of times just to feel better, to make him pay, to see him soffer the way he had made suffer his son. He could have even killed him, no self control had remained in his body. He was rather scared of himself, he had almost hit Jackson too even if he didn't want to. It was a new feeling, something he had never felt before and it was all because of that guy, standing there, looking at him with those beautiful brown eyes.  
_"Why the fuck didn't you come to me?"_ he yelled but got no response. Why was he the last one to know it? Why hadn't nobody called him? The dark-haired guy looked down, hands trembling from the anxiety and nervousness and from whatever he had gone through. It was quite obvious, actually. If Youngjae had showed up to him like that, Jaebum would have _really_ fucked his father up and he didn't want that. He jumped down of the bonnet and made a few steps towards Jaebum to grab his hand and intertwine their fingers.   
_"Guys, it's ok. You can go and.. get a drink for us too? We'll be there in a minute"._  
All of them were confused. Yugyeom the most, since he didn't even belong there. He had gone to the party with his friends and he had happened to meet Jinyoung and as they were talking, the others had showed up with a bruised Youngjae and.. well, now he was there, not really knowing what to do. He looked around, hesitant but Mark gave him a small smile before leading him away.  
They all didn't think they would actually go to the party after all that had happened but Youngjae showed them another reassuring smile, Jinyoung had took good care of the wound and it hurt, yes, but he didn't need to rest nor go to the hospital. And yes, it was kind of embarassing too to show around but he was fine. Really. As the other four left, still rather confused and with an awkward silence filling the air around them, Youngjae guided Jaebum towards the car, inviting him to get in. It was Mark's car, Jaebum had seen it a few times already, and inside the car there were a few backpacks on the backseats. Jaebum looked at him confused but they both stood silent for a while, Youngjae still squeezing his hand tight, trying to think of how to put in words what they were feeling. He wanted to explain the situation, he wanted to tell him what had happened, he wanted to be comforted. 

_"Why did you tell him..?"_  
Jaebum was the one to break the silence.

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	10. #10

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_"Why did you tell him..?"_

Jaebum was the one to break the silence, hand leaning over Youngjae's face but never touching it, too scared of hurting him. Instead, his fingers just lightly brushed it, feeling the other shiver at the slight contact.  
_"I.. didn't. He snooped around my phone and he saw.. that picture I took and.."_  
He didn't continue, there was no need to do so. Jaebum knew exactly of what picture he was talking about. Except for the night he had gotten drunk, they really didn't take many pictures because both of them were really awkward when standing in front of a camera. They didn't know how to pose, which expression to use and stuff like that so.. they didn't have many together. One of the nights Youngjae had slipped in the other's apartment, he was really tired because of his studies and they laid there, god knows what they were talking about. And Jaebum was just about to fall asleep on his lap, lulled by Youngjae's beautiful voice, when the other decided to take a picture of him, joking about how he looked ugly in that state although that was a big fat lie since Jaebum was always good-looking, didn't matter how his hair was styled or which one was the expression he wore.  
_"Youngjae, I--"_  
_"It's ok. I wanted to tell him anyway. Just.. not now, not now. I needed more time, I.."_  
Another shiver interrupted his words and Youngjae had to stop there because he realized he was going to start crying soon and he didn't want to, not in front of Jaebum. He had never cried in front of others and he had stopped even in his own room since the neighbor had moved there because he was scared of him hearing his sobs from the thin walls. Youngjae had always wanted to tell his father, one day, but he had always been too terrified. He didn't know how he would react. But now that he had found someone who really cared about him, he wanted to tell everybody. He had found more strenght, _Jaebum_ was that strenght. He didn't want Jaebum to be envious of the relationship Jinyoung and that other guy had nor he wanted Jaebum to think that he'd rather hide his feelings for him. That wasn't the case, not at all. He was the best thing that had ever happened to him and everybody needed to know. He made him so happy, his life had completely changed since the first day he had seen him, all awkward but still damn handsome. And everything seemed to make more sense, his life had a purpose. He had never had one, but now his only fixed thought was to stay by his side.

_"I.. needed more money, I can't go back there, I can't"._  
He had planned to tell his father as soon as he had enough money to leave that shithole, so that his old man couldn't tell him anything since he was an adult now and he could make his own choices. Jaebum wanted to tell him to go stay at his house but that would have been ridicolous, they were neighbors and obviously Youngjae had to hide for a little amount of time or maybe even completely disappear from his father's life since he didn't even deserve to be called one. Also, probably that asshole had recognized Jaebum too by the photo so his apartment wasn't really safe for the other. He leaned closer to him once again, this time his whole body was close to Youngjae's and their noses barely brushed, their breath tickled the other's lips and he passed a hand through those dark locks, caressing him with such tenderness the other had never seen.  
_"I thought.. he would.. never"_  
Youngjae whispered, lips visibly trembling as he couldn't contain himself anymore and tears started rolling down his cheeks. It hurt more than it did before but it was nothing compared to what he was feeling inside. He had never expected his father to react this way. As much as he knew him, he thought he could have understood him for once but he was wrong. All this time he had thought that he actually cared for him, that things weren't that bad between them but that just proved the opposite. And Youngjae had never felt so alone, he had never felt so betrayed and broken and at first he didn't even react, he just stood there as his father hit him twice already, yelling words he didn't want to remember. As if he didn't care anymore, as if he actually deserved it, he stood still, taking the hit. But then his mind went to Jaebum, it went to his friends and he pushed him away. They were what mattered the most, they were by his side and they could easily be considered his real family, he was worth it. And that was all he cared about. He had locked himself in his room and had called Mark as soon as he could, pleading him to come and pick him up as he put some clothes and whatever was important for him in a few backpacks. His father was banging loudly on the door, screaming and growling and Mark had immediately understood how urgent it was. He had contemplated about calling Jaebum but he didn't want to cause a even bigger ruckus. Also, if Jaebum had been home, he probably would have heard the yells already and would have texted him or whatever so.. he probably wasn't there, it was pointless to even try. 

His forehead slided on Jaebum's chest and he started sobbing, loudly, sounding desperate as he finally let himself go. The other unconsciously wrapped his arms around his body that felt too thin from the last time he had hugged him. He kind of understood what Youngjae wanted to do, now. Why he was tiring himself that much. He needed money because he wanted to move away from that house and obviously only one job wasn't enough if he wanted to move away as fast as he could. But he was such an idiot, he knew well that his friends had some room for him, if he only dared to ask. Knowing him, he probably didn't want to be a bother to them.  
Jaebum hugged him tightly, pulling him as close as he could to himself, trying to comfort him as he planted small kisses through his hair and caressed his back and whispered little tunes close to his ears. He did all of this trying to not think of the lump he had in his own chest. He had never witnessed a more heartbreaking scene in his whole life and feeling the vulnerable body of the guy he loved tremble under his touch, made his heart ache so much he couldn't even describe it. He still wanted to punch the shit out of the man who had hurt him but the most important thing now was taking care of Youngjae, calm him down, make him feel better. He caressed him to try and comfort him, he kissed him to try and take away the pain. He knew he couldn't do much but after ten minutes or so, Youngjae started calming down, his sobs became quieter and quieter. He had a runny nose and sniffed a few times, taking big breaths, never looking up once. He still rested his forehead on Jaebum's shirt, drenched in tears, he didn't know if he was ready to face him. But he didn't have any choice when the red-haired guy placed a hand under his chin to make him look up. He met his gaze and Jaebum carefully stroke his cheek, gently, before leaning in for a kiss. Sweet. It made him feel a lttle warmer inside.  
_"I'm sorry, Youngjae"_ he whispered on his lips, moving away just enough for their foreheads to brush and their noses to touch. _"I should have been there, I'm so sorry"._  
He kept apologizing for a while, repeating again and again the same words as his lover took deep breaths, still trying to calm down. He returned the caresses he had received, placing a hand on Jaebum's face and leaned in for another kiss. Deeper, longer than the first one. It took their breaths away.  
_"I'm going to stay at Mark's for a while, I.. don't really know what I should do, Jaebum. I.. it's not that far so.. "_  
_"I'll come visit you. Everyday. Mark's going to hate me"._  
Youngjae let out a small chuckle hearing those words and Jaebum's heart stopped working for a minute. He was able to make him smile and that smile made his stomach turn, he had never looked so beautiful. His eyes were puffy and red, his hair were messy and he still trembled a little but he looked so beautiful with that smile on his plump and pinkish lips. His bruise was still as purple as ever, it looked like it'd hurt so badly but Youngjae put up with it and so Jaebum smiled too.  
_"You. I don't know what you've done to me, Youngjae, but I like you._  
_No, not enough. I love you. I really do. And.. it doesn't matter where you're going to go. Is it Mark's place, is it another city or another country, I don't care._  
_I'll be there with you as long as you let me"._  
Eyes never leaving those brown orbs he loved so much. His lips brushed against the other's. He didn't need any kind of answer, he didn't want the other to force a "I love you too", he didn't care now. He just needed to let his feelings out because he couldn't control them anymore and he felt like Youngjae needed to know them too. He needed to see that Jaebum cared for him, more than anything else. He would've followed him everywhere, if only Youngjae had allowed him to. The dark-haired guy was visibly surprised, his lips opened up a little before they shut once again and then they curled up in a bigger and shy smile as he adverted Jaebum's gaze for a couple of seconds.  
_"I.. I don't know what you've done to me, Jaebum, but I love you. And I don't think I can imagine myself without you by my side. Is it Mark's place, is it another city or another country"._  
He whispered, almost mocking him but in a sweet way, head leaning on his shoulder. And they stood there for a while, Youngjae resting his head on the other's shoulder as he caressed his hair, slowly. A peaceful silence reigning in the car. Jaebum wanted the other to sleep a little, he probably needed it, but Youngjae kept staring in front of him, quietly. The sun was already down, by now, and they could see the lights coming from the beach, the only sound were their breaths as their chests moved up and down rythmically.  
 

_"Should we join the others?"_  
Youngjae said in a whisper, as if he didn't want to ruin the atmosphere. Jaebum smiled sweetly and nodded his head, without saying anything. They had remained in the same position for at least ten other minutes and now he couldn't feel his shoulder anymore but it was ok, Youngjae seemed better and that was all it mattered to him.  
The dark-haired guy grabbed his hand enthusiastically, it was as if he had got rid of a major burden. He felt free, now. He could grab Jaebum's hand and hug him and kiss him and nobody could have said anything to them because he wouldn't have stopped anyway. He pecked his cheek before walking towards the beach as a pleasantly surprised Jaebum followed him, never letting his hand go. As soon as they got near the shore, Youngjae spotted their friends and left him behind, starting to run to them, wobbling as it wasn't easy to run on the soft sand. Jaebum observed him with a loving smile on his face before taking off his shoes and picking them up, slowly walking towards the others. There were people further away but the other five had found a corner all for them. Bambam and Jackson were yelling their lungs out to the wind, sometimes their voices would crack and everyone would burst in a laughter. Mark and Jinyoung and Yugyeom too were giggling and when they saw Youngjae, they patted his back and ruffled his already messy hair. In front of them two packs of six beers each. Youngjae grabbed one too, as the others had already served themeselves. Finally Jaebum joined them too, wrapping an arm around Youngjae's shoulder and pulling him closer to give him a quick kiss on the forehead. After a while he wrapped his other arm around Jackson's shoulder and started yelling with him. The wind welcomed whatever they had to say. " _Fuck you"_ , he yelled. And the others joined too, sometimes they wouldn't even say words, they would just shout to free their lungs. The music not far from them was too loud anyway, so they were the only ones who could hear themeselves.  
Youngjae was the last one to join in the choir that disappeared with the air but as he shouted those words, the others raised their beers to cheer.  
_"I fucking love my life"_  
As his fingers intertwined with Jaebum's, he knew. He couldn't have found a better family.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, guys. It's finally over and .. I hope you enjoyed it! I feel like I could have done much more but this is how I felt it should end. I'm no good with long stories, ten (short) chapters is already too much for me lol  
> Please let me know if you liked it, I appreciate all the comments! And stay tuned 'cause I'm writing something else and it will be posted in no time ;)  
> Thank you for reading!!


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